I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize