Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
