All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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