put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
