Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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