so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
