let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
