This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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