My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
