She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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