are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
