OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
