About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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