Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
