this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
