i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
