Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
