No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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