I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
