Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
