YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
