dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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