That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
