just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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