He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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