I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
