You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
