As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize