Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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