its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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