he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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