my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
