you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
