I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
