break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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