im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
