I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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