it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
