so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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