also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
