I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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