when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
