I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
