I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize