Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
