I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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