Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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