So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize