how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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