i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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