Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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