One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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