Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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