dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
