I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
