I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
