I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
