I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
