I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
