WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
