Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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