how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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