break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You're like the curious george of whores
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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