I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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