I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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