Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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