I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My life is pants optional.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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