Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
