Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
