Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
