a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude. I can hear the air.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
