Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Congratulations! We have a period
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
